Never had a Chance
by Moggie
Summary: [COMPLETE][GSR] She knew she didn't have a chance.
1. Default Chapter

Never had a chance  
  
Author: Moggie  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Category: Angst  
  
Spoilers: SDD, PwF  
  
Summary: She knew she didn't have a chance, so didn't stop everyone else from doing what she couldn't.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Crime Scene Investigation  
  
Chapter1  
  
~ Present ~  
  
"You can't." Sara interrupted with tears forming in her eyes.  
  
She stopped her excitement with a surprised gasp. "What! Why?"  
  
"Because. I'm in love with him." Sara looked down, ashamed at her admission.  
  
Jessie shook her head. "You can't be. You said I should go for it. This was your idea."  
  
"I know." Sara breathed.  
  
Completely shocked, Jessie asked. "Why didn't you say something?"  
  
"Because. I wouldn't have a chance." She shrugged sadly and walked away.  
  
Jessie watched her friend leave in tears. She knew Sara felt something for her boss, she had for years, but nothing had ever come of it and guessed she wasn't interested anymore. Obviously it was more than that.  
  
~ Four Months One Week ~  
  
~ Three Months Ago ~  
  
Sara stopped talking when she realised Grissom wasn't listening. "Earth to Grissom." She called, but got no response. Deciding to see what had caught his attention, she moved to stand behind him and instantly saw who, not what, he was looking at.  
  
They had been working in the garage all night and now it was morning. The large doors were open and the sunlight was pouring into the cold concrete room.  
  
Grissom was still captivated by the only thing he could see. 5'6, long brown hair, legs, mini skirt, tight tie-shirt and sandals. Sara's heart was stopped in one breath as she realised what was going on. She'd just witnessed Grissom drooling over another woman, right in front of her and not just any woman, her best friend Jessie. She felt ill at the thought and now she was bound to witness another side to him that she dreamed was directed at her.  
  
"Sara!" Jessie waved. Although it was slow, Grissom turned to Sara briefly before turning back. "Hi." She smiled at Grissom when she reached them.  
  
"Hello." He returned her smile.  
  
"I'm Jessie." She held out her hand to him and Sara turned away. She couldn't stand to watch. "Ready to go Sara?" Jessie asked after a few minutes and small introductions between her and Grissom. Sara was surprised he managed to speak without hesitation. She seemed to get hesitation and it was never in the soft tone he used just then. Could a heart sink any further? She sighed and walked over to the table to get her coat.  
  
Grissom watched them leave and was surprised that Sara hadn't said anything when she left. She didn't say goodbye or press the fact that he didn't hear a thing she said. She seemed to blank him completely. He didn't think he did anything wrong to upset her, nothing that came to mind.  
  
Jessie hung onto Sara's arm as they walked down the path towards the mall. They went inside and started shopping, something Sara hated, but she needed a few things and didn't see why she shouldn't look around. Jessie was trying on nearly everything in the store when she shouted over the door to Sara with a question and a name mixed together.  
  
"He's cute that Gil Grissom. Is he seeing anyone?"  
  
Sara wanted to scream and make sure everyone knew that Grissom was not to be approached because he was taken, but the only thing that stopped her was. she didn't have a chance, so she answered her friend.  
  
"No, he's single." Sara sat down and stared at the mirror in front of her. She could see why she was still single and wondered why Grissom hadn't found someone. He was handsome, cute, smart and funny. Everyone knew he went on dates now and then, but nothing much was known about them. The only thing that everyone knew about and was still circling the lab, was him and a certain dominatrix. Sighing heavily, she turned away from the mirror and waited for Jessie.  
  
"I might see what he's doing on Friday." Jessie mused as she left the cubicle and looked at herself in the mirror. "What do you think?"  
  
Sara nodded and gave her best approval smile. "I like it."  
  
Jessie grinned and turned to look at her. "So, about Friday.Grissom, me and the word date?"  
  
Looking away briefly and against her own feelings, she nodded. "Go for it." Jessie bought the dress she was wearing and had it bagged. On the way home that afternoon, Sara was subjected to the plans Jessie made for Friday and then asked for Grissom's phone number. She just sat back and tried to ignore the jealousy and fear that she had lost her three-year battle with her feelings and the war with her heart was almost over.  
  
Grissom was in his office that Friday night before shift. Sara knew he wasn't on the roster and figured he'd come in for something, but that idea was shot down when she saw him in suit trousers and a white shirt. He picked up his suit jacket and slipped it on. She knew he couldn't be going to court and there was only one other place she could think off and that thought seemed to burn the final bits of hope left inside her. She'd lost both battle and war in one week and she did nothing but encourage it.  
  
Like many times before, she sat back and watched. She did what every friend was supposed to do, which was to show support. For two weeks she listened to Jessie talking about Grissom and by the fourth week, she managed to listen but be elsewhere at the same time. It was hard enough knowing your best friend was seeing the man you love, but to hear about it day after day in detail was getting to be too much. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
~ One Month Ago ~  
  
After three months of hearing about the wonderful dates and details you only ever dreamed about. No wonder she's ill. Sara pulled herself up unsteadily from the couch and stumbled to the front door. She opened it to reveal Jessie and her happy face. Upon seeing her friend, she felt even more ill.  
  
"God Sara!" Jessie's smile faded quickly and set to concern. "You look awful."  
  
Sara leaned against the door. "Thanks."  
  
Jessie smiled slightly. "So, I guess this means no shopping for a new dress?" Sara shook her head mutely, instantly regretting the added motion and the slight nauseous feeling. Jessie sighed and looked at her watch. "I better get going. I'll be late for my date tonight. You get well now, you here?"  
  
"I will. Have a nice night." She still didn't see a reason to say anything, not even after all this time. Jessie deserved some happiness and if she found it, she wasn't going to stop her. Jessie left her to collapse back on the couch and instantly fall asleep.  
  
Everyone had seen the change in their boss. Catherine, Warrick and Nick were still unconvinced about Jessie. They didn't know her and were well aware that she was Sara's friend. When the subject was approached, they would look across at her to see some kind of reaction, but she gave nothing but support. It wasn't her business, but that still didn't stop the rest of the team looking at her.  
  
Why would they be looking for a reaction? They must know she never had a chance, she knew it. She knew he didn't feel anything and never would. It was like she was back in school and had the hots for the boy a year above, but her friends would also have the hots for the same boy and you'd know that you'd never have a chance because of your track record on relationships. Your friends knew what they wanted and how to go about getting it. It was no different apart from the lack of friends. At least she could do something about losing her crushes to her friends, but even over time, she'd lose.  
  
She knew what it was like to feel jealously, hate, anger, but she knew when to quit. The first time you see that same look you give, that says you just found the right one, but you see it in his eyes and he's looking at someone else that's more than she is. Someone beautiful, pretty, confident. she knows its no use causing others pain and hurt if nothing was going to come of it. She wasn't going to hurt her friends because she fell in love with a man that wouldn't even talk to her, eat with her or barely work with her.  
  
The house phone jerked her awake from her living nightmare. Covered in a cold sweat, headache, aches and tiredness, she reached blindly for the phone and numbly pulled it to her ear. "Hello?" She mumbled throatily and groggily.  
  
"Sara? Hey honey, you don't sound so good."  
  
Catherine's voice was no surprise as it was two hours into shift and this was her third night off. Trying to settle the growing nausea in her throat, she swallowed hard. "Hey Catherine, sorry. I fell asleep before I could ring in."  
  
"That's ok. You sound like you need a doctor kiddo."  
  
Sighing tiredly, she sat up the best she could without triggering the urge to be sick. "I wouldn't want anyone to get ill because of me. I'll be fine. Is it busy?"  
  
"A little. I was calling to get you down to Henderson, but if you're ill I don't see how much help you'll be."  
  
Grasping the glass of water, she sipped it slowly and felt slightly better. "Give me an hour." She rasped into the phone.  
  
"Hey, you are kidding? You just said you didn't want to spread that. No, you get some rest and give me a ring if you need anything."  
  
"I'm fine, just some plague I picked up. It'll go. Where about are you?" She pushed herself up and was struck with the feeling of going to be sick. "I gotta go bond with the toilet Cath." She hung up at the sound of Catherine's concerned mothering voice and only managed to catch the last two words 'something over', but it didn't register as she reacquainted herself with the bathroom.  
  
Laying her head on the pillow she had previously placed by the bathtub a few hours earlier, she fell into a heated and uncomfortable sleep. The thoughts of Jessie's dates and the details she was so kind to share was bad enough to hear about, but when you witness it, it feels like someone rubbing way too much salt into the open wound. Only last week she saw Jessie and Grissom kissing outside her friend's apartment. She's driven over to see Jessie after a bad case, but after seeing she had company, she felt it best to deal with the images and nightmares herself, like so many times over the years.  
  
You use wishes when you're a little kid and when you grow up, you still use them and even if you don't believe, it's nice to say the words now and then. She'd wished many times that he'd see her for who she is, see her as a woman, a friend, someone worthy of something other than the pain she's living with. Since she witnessed the kiss, she lost her little belief in wishes and fate. She thought it would pass if she ignored it, but obviously she was witnessing something more than just a few dates.  
  
Gasping for a breath, she sat up and leaned her head against the cold tiles on the wall. She hated being ill and even though it rarely happened; it always seemed to make up for the times she was well. The headaches were twice as painful, the aches were more than heavy and she was always sick. She hated being ill and she couldn't take anything without leaving the apartment, but she didn't like to get others ill. It was best to wait it out and take what little was in the cupboard to tied her over and get plenty of sleep and fluids.  
  
Managing to get to her feet, she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She needed to eat something, but wasn't looking forward to sleeping in the bathroom all day and night. As she past the couch, she pulled a heavy duvet around her suddenly cold frame and sat on the floor in front of the coffee table and turned the TV on, but muted it. She needed to see something to take her mind off her dreams and clouded feelings. She ate two dry crackers and washed them down with some orange juice. She leaned her head back against the couch and dozed off. She'd been waiting to just sleep and not feel, see or dream anything.  
  
While she slept she did feel her body lose all weight, like she was floating. It didn't even wake her it was such a warm feeling and saw no reason to question it. It was the only peace she had had in a long time. No nightmares and no dreams. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
Feeling warmth on her face and light beaming through her eyelids, she moaned miserably and turned away. A strange sensation hit the pit of her stomach when she realised that she was in her bed. Sitting up quickly, she soon regretted it and ran to the bathroom.  
  
Sliding back against the cool tiles, she sensed someone in the room. Looking up, she saw Catherine hovering in doorway. "Catherine?" She rasped out. Catherine smiled and helped her up. Sara washed her face and brushed her teeth. "How'd you get in?" She asked after spitting the toothpaste into the sink.  
  
"Neighbour let me in. I was worried." She shrugged and helped her walk to the couch. "You need a doctor Sara."  
  
Coughing lightly, she shook her head. She looked at the couch and groaned at what she saw. "Can't you all let me die in peace guys? You don't need to watch." She referred to Warrick and Nick sitting on the couch watching the sport news.  
  
"Hey Sar." Nick grinned as he shifted to let her sit down.  
  
"You'll all get ill. Get out while you can." She smiled as Warrick pulled her into a sideways hug and held her against his side.  
  
"You need a doctor girl." He rubbed her shoulder as he looked at Catherine.  
  
Sara sighed and let her head fall onto his shoulder. "I'll be fine. I'm feeling better anyway."  
  
All three looked at each other with disapproval. Catherine made her way to the kitchen and returned with a bottle of medicine in one hand and the house phone in the other. "Take this and make an appointment Sara."  
  
"I'll take the potion, but no doctor." She grumbled, taking the bottle from Catherine's hand.  
  
"Ok." She relented and sat down in the armchair.  
  
"Why are you lot here anyway? You should be at home or something." Sara murmured sleepily.  
  
Nick smiled and reached out for his can of open coke on the table. "We have everything here." He sat back and put his feet up on the table.  
  
Sara lifted her left foot and weakly kicked Nick's leg. "Get them off."  
  
Everyone chuckled at her stubbornness. They spent a few hours watching TV and talking about cases, but not too detailed that Sara felt the need to empty her stomach. She soon fell asleep against Nick as Warrick made them all something to eat.  
  
Catherine watched as Nick lightly rubbed his thumb over Sara's hand on his chest. She could see Sara twitch with the nightmare she was having and Nick was looking worriedly down at her. "Everyone has nightmares Nicky. Don't worry." She told him softly.  
  
He sighed and hugged Sara tighter. "I know, but it's not making me feel any better. She's not been herself lately."  
  
"I know what you mean." Warrick offered as he placed toast and jam on the table. "You know this person Jessie right?" He asked, snagging some toast and handing a slice with jam on to Nick.  
  
Catherine nodded as she bit into her toast. "Sure do. She and Grissom is all I hear about."  
  
Warrick leaned back and gently pulled Sara's hair from her face. "You think Sara's upset?"  
  
Nick looked down at Sara and watched her for a few silent minutes. He finished his toast as the others talked about the current situation at work dealing with Grissom and Jessie. He looked up when Catherine said what he'd only been thinking since Sara first came to Vegas. "I thought I was the only one who thought that." He announced with surprise.  
  
Catherine smiled sadly and shook her head. "No Nicky. I always thought there was something and to be honest." She sighed as her eyes fell on Sara's sleeping form. "I thought he'd do something after she handed in her leave of absence." Her eyes locked onto something behind Nick and Sara. She stood and walked towards a plant in a large ceramic pot on a small table by Sara's desk.  
  
Warrick turned to look at her as she looked at the healthy growing plant in the corner. "You ok Cath?"  
  
"Yeah." She nodded and turned as she picked up a small card that peeked out from under a heavy forensic book. She turned it over in her hand with a small sigh. "I wonder if he even knows what's happening." She pondered quietly.  
  
Nick lightly kissed Sara's hair as she whimpered and jerked awake. "Nick?" She called out like a frightened child.  
  
"Hey sleepyhead. It's ok. You were having a nightmare." He said soothingly and hugged her gently.  
  
"Sorry." She mumbled croakily. She pushed herself away and got up. She was embarrassed enough with her co-workers in her home and she knew that one would be ill in a few days and it would be her fault. She decided she needed a shower and she definitely needed something in her stomach and some fresh air.  
  
The others watched quietly as she left them in her living room. Catherine squeezed Nick's shoulder reassuringly, before making a fresh pot of coffee. Warrick helped Nick clean up the living room and kitchen while Sara showered.  
  
Twenty minutes past and she was feeling infinitely better. After getting dressed and towel drying her hair, she left her room and went to find the others. The smell of vegetable soup flooded her sense of smell. "You guys are doing too much. I might not let you leave at this rate." She teased, forgetting her embarrassment.  
  
"Come on Sar. It's getting cold." Nick whined as he picked up his spoon to ready himself as Catherine and Warrick placed large bowls on the dinning table in the corner of the living room.  
  
She smiled and ruffled Nick's hair affectionately. "Such a kid." As they ate and talked, they noticed that Sara looked better. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
~ One Week Ago ~  
  
Looking up at her curiously, but seriously, Catherine asked. "How can you sit by and watch, Sara? I thought you two had something?"  
  
"You always want what's best for your friends." She started shakily, but cleared her throat gently. "I've known Jess since I came here and she's had nothing but grief from boyfriends, family and work. She deserves happiness like everyone else."  
  
"What about you? Don't you deserve happiness?" Catherine asked softly.  
  
Sara leaned forward and stared down at the carpet. "It's like when I was a kid. You go through life and your friends always get the things you want, but after a while of losing your friends to the things you want, you don't get use to it, but it becomes naturally. I don't need anything. I just try and live my life without disrupting those around me."  
  
Catherine listened and was disappointed that she had avoided her question, but she seemed to understand that Sara just told her something that was part of who she was because of it. She'd lost to her friends for years and was now withdrawn so much that it happened naturally. She wanted everyone around her to be happy and if it meant she was left behind, then she'd live with it. "You can't think like that Sara. You deserve to have someone like everyone else."  
  
"No." She breathed. "I'm not like my friends, I don't have what it takes to get what I want. I don't like to mess with people."  
  
"But it's ok for them to mess with you?" Catherine asked angrily. She stood up and stared down at her friend. "I hope you'd stop me if it meant you being happy Sara. I wouldn't want to get in your way if it meant happiness."  
  
Sara looked up at her and smiled wanly. "You can't say that, because if you were in a position that meant your happiness, what would you do to stop me from ruining your life?" She shook her head. "Believe it or not, I've lost many friends because of what you just suggested. If you pursued a man I liked, I'd let you. I'm not stupid enough to ruin three lives, when it's easier to bare one burden alone than hate and anger from two others."  
  
"You're telling me your not going to stop Jessie because she's had a hard life and now she's found someone and she's happy, you're going to sit by and watch." Catherine's voice was rough and full of disappointment.  
  
Sara sighed and stood up. "I'm not saying anything. Its her life, not mine."  
  
"It could be yours." Catherine suggested more gently.  
  
Avoiding her eyes, Sara couldn't help but think for a moment that it would be nice to actually have what she wanted for once, but like the other day, she doesn't believe in wishes, fate or meant-to-be's anymore. She needed to forget what she was feeling and get on with life, her life. Work and surviving each day was what she had left. She'd always dreaded that someone like Catherine would point out that she deserved every bit of happiness everyone else does, but truthfully, she wouldn't know what to do if that were true.  
  
"We better get to work Catherine." She dismissed any further discussion and headed for the door as the locker room door opened.  
  
Warrick and Nick walked in with solemn looks on their faces, pinning her escape and closing the door. "You really think you don't deserve happiness, Sara?" Nick asked painfully.  
  
She looked at them with sorrow in her eyes. "I've never known what that is Nicky."  
  
Catherine stood behind her and lightly touched her shoulder. "You have Sara. We've all seen you happy, you just have to follow it." She advised.  
  
Warrick agreed and stepped forward to take her hand. "Over the past four months we've seen you supporting a relationship you never wanted to witness."  
  
"You mean Jess and Grissom?" She asked, knowing exactly what they were talking about and they knew she was avoiding the topic even more.  
  
Nick stood by her. "It could be different Sara. It's not permanent."  
  
She laughed lightly and shook her head as she pushed past them. "You are telling me that I should break up something just so I can be happy?" She asked in disbelief. She turned back to them as she pulled on her jacket. "Have you seen either of them as happy as they are now? No." She answered for them. She was becoming more agitated by the second. "I will not ruin their lives because I have a crush on Grissom." She turned away at her sudden admission, but was more surprised when she started to cry.  
  
Catherine and Warrick walked towards her, but it was Nick who pulled her into a hug. "We've known that for years Sar."  
  
"It doesn't make it right." She sobbed into his shirt. Warrick held Catherine's hand as they watched their friends. Nick held Sara tightly as she cried. She'd never admitted she had a crush and to be honest, they all knew it was more.  
  
~ Present ~  
  
Shift was nearing its end and Jessie stood in reception, waiting. She saw Sara and called her over. Sara put on her smile and hugged her, but the smell of after-shave made her smile fade. "You smell like after-shave Jess."  
  
Jessie grinned. "I know. This guy was so cute. I went to a bar last night and came home with a gorgeous policeman."  
  
Sara's eyes widened. "Are you cheating on Grissom?" She asked with a hint of anger. Although she couldn't have him, she wouldn't stand by and let Jess hurt him by cheating. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
She shook her head and waved her hand in the air. "No, don't be silly. We broke it off."  
  
"Then, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Wanna get some breakfast? I haven't seen you in, well. it's been a while." She smiled and looped her arm with Sara's. "We've got so much to catch up on." She pulled Sara out the door.  
  
Catherine looked on from her conversation with Grissom in the corridor as she watched Sara be dragged out by Jessie. She noticed that Sara didn't look happy about being dragged and she knew Sara still wasn't feeling too well.  
  
Grissom snapped his fingers to get her attention. "You with me Cath?" He asked impatiently.  
  
She blinked and nodded. "Sure. Where were we?" She hummed and looked at the file in her hand.  
  
"Something on your mind Cath?" He inquired.  
  
Catherine sighed and started walking down the corridor to his office. "I'm worried that's all."  
  
Grissom frowned. "About who?"  
  
"Sara." She whispered, looking around. His face fell at the sound of her name. "What's wrong?" She asked.  
  
"Nothing." He shrugged and entered his office.  
  
Catherine closed the door and sat down. "How's things with you and Jessie?"  
  
He stared at her briefly before removing his glasses and nervously twirling them in his hand. "There is no me and Jessie."  
  
"Oh." She nodded. "What happened? I know you rang and told me she stood you up, but you were so angry."  
  
He sighed and placed his glasses on the desk. "I was angry because she mentioned something.someone." He stammered. "She shouldn't have."  
  
"She stood you up because of a disagreement?"  
  
He shook his head and leaned back in his chair. "No. She stood me up first and then we had a disagreement."  
  
Catherine nodded in understanding, but still needed some blanks filled in. "What was the disagreement about?"  
  
"Jess was talking about her friends and her day when she suddenly mentioned that Sara hadn't called her in days and she said it was like she was avoiding her. I keep telling her that Sara wouldn't do something like that." He rubbed his tired eyes. "Sara wouldn't abandon Jess. They've been friends too long. Why would she suddenly stop talking to Jess? I don't get it."  
  
"This whole disagreement was about Sara?" Catherine asked with a smile.  
  
Grissom narrowed his eyes at her smile. "Well, yeah. I suppose. Not directly, but Jess is worried that she's loosing her friend."  
  
Catherine sighed and leaned into her hand. She couldn't believe he was so blind. What had happened to the flirting and the laughter? "Why were you interested in Jessie?" She asked suddenly.  
  
"Why?" He asked with confusion. Shrugging, she watched him. "I don't really know. She's nice." So is Sara, Catherine added mentally. "She's fun to be around." Sara can be if she's pulled away from work. "She's smart and funny."  
  
"Who are you describing Gil?"  
  
"Jessie. You just asked me what I liked about her." He argued, getting frustrated with the current line of questioning.  
  
Catherine stood up and walked around his desk. She reached behind him for a photo that was on the wall. She placed it in front of him and watched as he leaned forward and looked at it. "In this photo, you can see that everyone brought someone to the Christmas party last year." She pointed at the other photos. "And in those, they did the same, but look closely at them." She instructed.  
  
Grissom noticed straight away, but wasn't going to say anything yet. He saw Nick, Catherine and Warrick, Al, Archie and Bobby, even Greg standing with a girlfriend, friend, wife or husband, apart from two. On one side of the photo, he saw himself and Sara talking to each other, oblivious, like every year, to the photo being taken.  
  
"If you see it, then why are you looking outside the box Grissom? She's right there and you've done nothing but hurt her from day one. She's sat by and watched, supported you every step of the way when you went out to get a life and all you did when she tried, her very first effort to get a life. you punished her so she is left with no one." Catherine watched him. She had to be hurtful for him to see what was right there.  
  
He lightly ran his finger down the glass like so many times before.  
  
Catherine continued, but more softly this time. "I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to say anything." She waited for him to look at her and when she did, she leaned against his desk and took his hand. "She's lost all faith Gil. She's given up on everyone. She doesn't even believe she deserves happiness."  
  
Suddenly feeling angry, he stood up. "How could she think that Catherine?"  
  
Seeing his reaction, she tried a gentler approach and pushed him back into his chair. "Listen to me ok. Calm down. You can't do anything right now. She's been thinking this for too long."  
  
"Has she spoken to you?" He asked sadly.  
  
Catherine nodded. "She had the flu that went round the hospital last week and I rang her when she didn't turn up for shift. She sounded awful so I went round. I found her collapsed on the floor." She sighed and watched as Grissom's face turned white. "She's lost all trust in her friends Gil. She didn't tell us she was ill. She dealt with it because she didn't want us to get ill. She didn't want to bother us with it."  
  
"She's always thinking about others Cath, you can't hold it against her." He begrudgingly added.  
  
"She doesn't need to keep protecting us. She needs to think about herself. You need to stop chasing other options when you've had option one right in front of you for years."  
  
Grissom stared at her for a long time, trying to think things clearly, but getting nowhere. "I don't chase other options Cath. I don't want to hurt her."  
  
Catherine squeezed his hand. "You already have." She told him sadly.  
  
His eyes closed at her words and he turned away. He couldn't seem to stop hurting Sara. What would it take to make everything he saw in her eyes to go away. She doesn't have feelings for him. She has to believe it's just a crush and nothing would come of it. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
~ One Week Later ~  
  
Sara sat at the taxi rank and waited for her taxi to turn up. She needed to get home to pack before her flight left. She had a seminar to attend in Colorado and she only just closed her case with Nick and was now running late. What she forgot when Nick left to head home, was that she had no car. Hers was completely packed up and literally ready for the scrap yard. She had not transport and was relying on a taxi to get her to and from work, plus to the airport in an hour.  
  
The sun was just coming up and a feeling she was never going to leave Vegas today was starting to settle. She might as well go back to work if the taxi didn't show up. She'd miss her flight in an hour anyway. As she was checking her watch again, she noticed a car pull up in front of her, a grey BMW, which was a surprise, seeing as she was expecting a yellow taxi.  
  
"Get in." Came a too familiar male voice.  
  
Sara stood and looked into the open window. "That's ok. My taxi should be here soon." She dismissed the offer and turned back to sit down on the bench. She looked up when she heard the car door open and slam shut.  
  
"I'm offering you a lift Sara. I know you've got a flight to catch."  
  
She sighed and watched him sit down. "You live no where near the airport Grissom. My taxi will be here."  
  
He leaned forward and looked at his clasped hands. "I'm not going until you get into the car Sara. It's going to take less time to drive you home and then to the airport. Won't cost you a thing either."  
  
She nodded slowly and stood up. "I suppose if you put it that way."  
  
Grissom jumped up and they both got into his car. On the way to Sara's apartment, he glanced at her. "Which seminar are you going to?"  
  
Looking out the window absently, she answered like it was no big deal. "Colorado. There are a few programs that I want to finish. I've got pathology, anthropology and new technological advances."  
  
"And you're going alone?" He asked gently.  
  
Sara looked at him briefly before nodding. "Yeah. No one wanted to go. I suppose I looked into too much at once."  
  
"It is a two day seminar Sara and you're planning on going to every class." He smiled genuinely.  
  
"Yeah, well. I needed to do something on my days off." She sighed.  
  
He nodded and pulled up to her apartment. "This won't count as vacation time." He looked at her. "It's continuing education and the lab will put up the expenses for its CSI's to be updated with new advances in this field." He shrugged. "Cavallo thought it might get everyone else to apply for refresher courses."  
  
Smiling, she got out. "I'll be a few minutes. You can wait inside."  
  
Grissom followed her up to her apartment silently and waited in the living room for her to pack. It only took ten minutes to pack and make sure everything was ok. Grissom watched as she walked over to her desk with a jug of water. He watched her water the orchid that blossomed in the corner. He was surprised at how big it was and how healthy it looked.  
  
Soon they were on their way out the door. Grissom took Sara's bag and opened the boot. Sara walked around him and saw another small suitcase. "You going somewhere Grissom?" She asked with a smile as he closed the boot and stepped back.  
  
"I got asked to send someone with you and seeing as Warrick, Nick and Catherine all declined." He shrugged and pulled open his door. "I thought you wouldn't mind me going in their place."  
  
Sara looked at him with shook and her smile slowly faded. "You're coming with me?" She asked slowly as she climbed in beside him.  
  
"Yup." He answered happily as he put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. "You're ok with that, right?" He asked nervously.  
  
She nodded and stared ahead. "Sure." She swallowed and looked down at her hands. "What about Jess? I thought you two were." She couldn't finish and went silent.  
  
Grissom sighed. "Jess and I are not seeing each other anymore Sara. She. She's seeing some policemen from the department."  
  
She turned her head and watched him. "Sorry."  
  
He chuckled and shrugged casually. "Obviously it wasn't meant to be. But there's plenty of fish in the see." Sara smiled slightly.  
  
A comfortable silence encased them as they drove to the airport.  
  
~ Two days later ~  
  
The seminar was like old times. They laughed, talked about cases and classes, made fun of the professors and ate together. It was like when she first arrived in Vegas. They spent time together just talking and catching up. During the evenings, they'd eat and walk, then say goodnight and turn in. Nothing overly pressurising and nothing from the bad times was mentioned. It seemed to be forgotten. That was until Sara got home. Only being home one day and she was meeting Jessie at her place.  
  
They'd never had this conversation before and after the wonderful two days with Grissom, she never wanted to ever hear anyone talk about him like Jessie was right now.  
  
"He's so cute. I'm gonna call him and see if we can work things out." Jessie smiled brightly.  
  
Sara was suddenly very scared to say anything. She didn't want to get in the way of her friend and she knew that Grissom really liked her. He'd said so himself on the plane home. It was the only time he'd mentioned Jessie at all. She could remember the walk around the hotel grounds in the early hours of the morning. They both couldn't sleep during the night and opted to a walk. They talked and laughed about anything and everything. It was like a dream come true.  
  
She could hear Jessie in the background, talking about him and mentioning things they did, but the only thing that jumped out at her was Jessie's next words. "I don't know what it is, but I think it could be love this time Sara, I really do. I know he feels the same." She looked dreamily down at her coffee cup. She continued and Sara found she couldn't hear anymore, couldn't take anymore.  
  
"You can't." Sara interrupted with tears forming in her eyes.  
  
Jessie stopped her excited ramble with a surprised gasp. "What! Why?"  
  
"Because. because.. I'm in love with him." Sara looked down, ashamed at her admission.  
  
She shook her head with a strangled laugh. "You can't be. You said I should go for it. This was your idea."  
  
"I know." Sara breathed.  
  
Completely shocked, Jessie asked. "Why didn't you say something?"  
  
"Because. I wouldn't have a chance." She shrugged sadly and walked away.  
  
Jessie watched her friend leave in tears. She knew Sara felt something for her boss, she had for years, but nothing had ever come of it and guessed she wasn't interested anymore. Obviously it was more than that. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
~ Later That Evening ~  
  
He said it was not meant to be, but she said he feels the same and now she had made herself look stupid in front of Jessie with her big mouth. Why couldn't she just let people get along with life?  
  
Grissom handed her the tox results absently as he looked into the microscope. He was speaking to her about what he was looking at, but she wasn't listening. Sensing something was wrong he looked up. "Sara?" He asked with concern. She stood reading, but not reading the results. He reached out and touched her hand. "Hey, you ok?"  
  
Sara's head snapped up in shock. "What, oh sorry. Not listening, sorry Griss." She smiled wanly and looked back at the results. Grissom removed his hand and took the report. Sara looked at him questioningly. "Did I miss something?"  
  
"Nope, you are ok though?" He asked, place the report into the case file. "You've been quiet all night."  
  
She nodded and shrugged. "Jet lag probably. I'm just not feeling social tonight, sorry."  
  
"Is it me?" He asked softly, looking around to make sure no one was within hearing distance.  
  
Sara stared at him for the longest time before looking down. "It's nothing really. I'm just thinking."  
  
"About?" He turned and leaned back against the table with his hands pushed into his pockets. "You can tell me you know." He whispered playfully. "I promise I won't tell." He added with a smile.  
  
Smiling at his teasing, she shook her head. "It's nothing, really. I'm just overreacting about something and it's gotten to me."  
  
Grissom didn't like the fact she wasn't telling him what was bothering her and he wasn't going to back down yet. "If you told me what it was that had gotten to you, I might be able to help." He suggested, looking off to the other side of the room. "And if it was about me, then perhaps we can sort it out." He added when she didn't say anything.  
  
"It's just something I said." She gave in, the tension growing.  
  
He turned his head to look at her. She was standing stiffly with her hands tucked into the tops of her pockets. "About me?" Sara nodded hesitantly. "Then I can help. I'm sure it wasn't bad. Right?" He chuckled lightly at the end when Sara shook her head. "Sara?" He smiled softly.  
  
She looked at him with a sad look in her eyes. She watched as his smile dissolved into nothing. Their eyes looked deeply into each other's for only a matter of seconds before Sara broke eye contact and left the room. Grissom watched her walk away with his heart pounding against his chest.  
  
~ After Shift ~  
  
She didn't know what to do. She'd already said way too much and Jessie was sure to go ahead with seeing Grissom either way, they always did. It was like they never heard a thing she said and past it off as background nose, nothing to worry about.  
  
This time was different. The conference was the best thing that had happened in a long time and if she knew Jessie was planning on rekindling her relationship with Grissom, she wouldn't have gone. She would have made an excuse and avoided going, but now it was too late and everything was destined for disaster.  
  
Not knowing what to do, she poured herself a glass of wine and sat in front of her computer. Although talking to her Internet buddy's usually helped relieve the stress, she felt that the stress was too high this time.  
  
After talking absently about work and theories for cases, she logged off and crawled into bed. It would soon be time for shift and another night of crime would consume her.  
  
~ Three Days Later ~  
  
Catherine walked into the locker room late that shift to find Sara drying her hair. "Ooh, you got the decomp didn't you?" She asked with a grimace.  
  
Sara smiled and rolled her eyes. "It was sick, really horrible."  
  
Nodding, she grinned. "Well, you caught the guy, that's what counts." Catherine pulled her locker open and searched around for her brush. "Did you and Grissom work things out?"  
  
The towel dropped from her hand, but still hung around her neck. "And that's supposed to mean what exactly?" She asked causally as she continued to dry her hair.  
  
"Nothing, just that you haven't said anything to him in almost three days and he seems worried that you're avoiding him." Catherine gently ran the brush through her hair once more before placing it back in her locker.  
  
Sara shook her head and grabbed her own brush. "I'm not avoiding him. I'm giving the space he needs."  
  
"Space?" Catherine asked gently. Sara nodded and pulled on her jacket. "He asked for space?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then why are you giving him space? He didn't ask for it, so what's going on?"  
  
She sighed and closed her locker. "I'm not getting into this. I've already made a huge fool of myself and I won't continue to. He admitted he likes Jessie and I know for a fact that she likes him, more so." She said quietly as she attempted to pass her friend.  
  
Catherine stepped back to block her escape. "You talked to Grissom about this?"  
  
"I don't need to. He told me when we went to that conference in Colorado that he likes Jessie and Jessie told me she's in love with him, so what chance do I have?"  
  
Recovering from her shock quickly, she grasped Sara's arm as she passed her. "What about you?" She asked suddenly, not willing to let Sara walk away from this.  
  
Sara looked confused. "What about me, Cath?"  
  
"You can't let Jessie do this. You have to tell him, you love him, don't you?" She knew the answer, but wanted Sara to admit it to herself.  
  
Dropping her eyes sadly, she shrugged and thought carefully about what she should do. It wasn't like Jessie had told him yet. She would have gloated about it or Grissom would have said something, maybe. Sara couldn't say anything. Too many people were going to get hurt and she didn't want to be the bad guy. She'd thought about it for years and each person he went out with was only another cut to add to her wounds that told her she didn't match up to them. He had dated so many that were more than she could ever be. They didn't have to win a smile or earn the respect, all to find out that it wasn't worth it because they'd never feel the same.  
  
Jessie may say she loves him after only dating him a few months, but Sara had known him a lifetime and she couldn't even get him to have dinner with her. All because she was in love with him from the beginning and never had to courage to say anything, only to discover that each time she waited and watched, there was so many other's that she paled to compare to.  
  
Catherine watched the thoughts and expressions flashed by and for a minute, she thought Sara would march out the door and confront Grissom, but the brunette shook her head with a defiant reply.  
  
"No." Hanging her head, she walked away in silence and a heavy heart at finally admitting, inside, that she did love him, but in the real world, she couldn't.  
  
~ The Next Night ~  
  
"Where's Sara?" Grissom asked as he glanced around the room.  
  
Nick shrugged and looked at Warrick. "Isn't it her night off?" He asked.  
  
"Yup." Catherine piped up, staring at Grissom and waiting for assignments.  
  
Warrick nodded and looked expectantly at their boss. "What's on the agenda tonight?"  
  
Shaking of the strange feeling in his stomach, he answered Warrick and finally handed out assignments. Catherine and Nick left and Warrick went to collect results from Greg before meeting Grissom out by his Tahoe. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
~ Sara's Apartment ~  
  
She didn't realise it was Jessie until she pulled down her hood. "Hi." Jessie greeted with a small smile.  
  
Sara nodded and looked down. "Wanna come in?"  
  
Jessie smiled again and slipped by her. "I probably shouldn't be here, but. I wanted to talk to you."  
  
"Want some coffee?" Sara asked as she headed for the kitchen. She poured two cups and moved to sit on the couch.  
  
"Thanks." Jessie took the cup and sipped at the hot liquid. After a few quiet minutes, Jessie placed her cup down and turned to face Sara. "Did you mean it?"  
  
Looking away and then into her cup, she shrugged, but then shook her head and stood. "No. I was wrong."  
  
"Are you sure about that?" Jessie pressed.  
  
Sara blinked a few times as she looked out the window to look down at the street. "I was tired and jetlagged. Not speaking any sense, so forget I said it." She glanced at Jessie and gave her a tight-lipped smile.  
  
"I don't believe you Sar." Jessie chided as she stood. "You wouldn't say something to me about love without meaning it. I've known you a long time."  
  
"It was nothing Jess, just leave it and everybody's happy. Leave it alone and. get on with life." She added on a whisper, her heart aching and weighing heavy in her chest.  
  
Jessie watched her friend close off. "I came to ask you if you'd mind me and Gil going out again?"  
  
Sara forced a smile to her face and turned around briefly. "Hey, if you think you two have a chance."  
  
Nodding sadly, Jessie gave her friend a quick hug before leaving and taking the air and warmth with her from the small apartment.  
  
It wasn't like she could say anything to stop it. She'd end up hurt either way, just like she was feeling now. It wasn't an uncommon feeling, she'd felt it before, but it felt so much more painfully for some reason. She had told herself she doesn't love him. She can't. It's not worth breaking up friends and damaging a working relationship over something that could never be.  
  
Anyway, she didn't believe in much anymore. Live life day by day and only plan lightly ahead so not to be disappointed if it never happens. It had worked so far, to a degree. She didn't look for someone to share her life with anymore and she tried to avoid it because it hurt a little each time it ended. All she had left was her work.  
  
She turned the lights off in her now cold apartment and crawled into bed. No sleep would come easily for her tonight, just nightmares and bad memories haunting her.  
  
Maybe, one day, she would find someone who was like her. Someone not looking for love but love finding them.  
  
~ One Week Later ~  
  
Catherine sat at the end of the AV table and watched Sara work the computer mechanically. She had been too quiet and it was starting to worry her. Nick and Warrick had insisted on taking her out numerous occasions during the week, but she turned them down over her work. She had put in overtime and was confined to the lab, but it was unusual to see her content on staying behind. Sara wouldn't sit still long enough and would resort to wheedling her way back into the field, but she hadn't done it this time.  
  
Sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest, Sara turned and looked at Catherine. She let her eyes drop to the table briefly before looking back at her. "There's your suspect." She motioned to the monitor and pushed back her chair to stand.  
  
"Thanks Sara." Catherine smiled and took the print out.  
  
"I'll find Greg and help him on your evidence." She offered and headed for the door.  
  
Thinking it wouldn't hurt to try, she caught up with her friend. "You heard anything from Jessie?"  
  
Sara nodded and continued walking. After a few minutes, she glanced at Catherine. Sighing, she answered. "She's been out every night. She rang me the other night to ask me about some restaurant and if I'd make reservations, so I did."  
  
Her mouth fell open, but quickly closed it as they rounded the corner. Although they had past the DNA lab, neither seemed ready to stop. Catherine looked around them before pushing Sara into the break room. She closed the door and stood in front of it to block the only exit. "You booked a date for Grissom and Jessie?" She asked with a shocked gasp.  
  
Shrugging as if it was nothing, she headed for the coffee pot to begin the process of making fresh coffee. "I was asked to."  
  
"Has Jessie told you she loves him?" Catherine asked quietly, checking to see if anyone was within hearing distance.  
  
Sara nodded and then sighed. "She told me she thought it was love and that he felt the same way." Halting in her movements, ready to replace the filter, she looked over her shoulder. "Can you change the subject, please?"  
  
Catherine watched the coffee pot start and waited for Sara to turn. "We all know you love him." She stated sternly, but continued when Sara began to speak. "No, listen to me. We were there when you were ill, we saw the shell you've built for yourself and we've seen how much this is tearing you apart. You can't let it continue."  
  
Looking down at her feet, she shook her head. "I'm fine."  
  
"Don't start with the bull shit. Are you just going to stand there and tell me that you have no feelings what so ever towards him? Are you going to admit that you don't love him or are you going to do something to make this right?"  
  
She took a deep breath to push the tightness away and tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, but with no relenting from either, she looked up at Catherine's awaiting face and shook her head as she stood up straight. "I don't have feelings for him and I sure don't love him either. I've got work to do." She headed towards the door and Catherine, but was stopped as Catherine pulled the door open gently.  
  
"I don't believe you. I know it and you know it. If I can see it, so can the others. You can't hide forever." She told her without any anger.  
  
"I haven't been hiding Cath. You wouldn't know if I were hiding. You know the sad thing? He's the only one that can't see it and if he does, he doesn't want it. I can't force him and I won't. It's always the same, I never get the cute guy, they do, not me." Sara finished with a small sad smile before turning and leaving.  
  
Catherine felt her heart tug at the things she just heard.  
  
~ End of Shift ~  
  
Sara was about to climb into her car when her stomach rumbled. She could have sworn she had eaten today, she sighed, perhaps not. Looking across the street, she decided to grab some sandwiches and a coffee before heading home.  
  
Stepping into the diner, she gave a friendly smile to the young man behind the counter and ordered her two egg salad sandwiches and large coffee. She stood and talked to one of the regular working waitresses as she waited. Hearing a familiar chuckle, Sara turned her head and the smile that was presently taking resident, slipped quickly at the recognition of two people in the corner of the diner.  
  
It was Grissom and Jessie. She didn't know why it hurt so much to see them, she didn't have any claim on him or any feelings, not anymore, she had to convince herself of that and move on. It was too late and it definitely was never going to happen now either way. He moved on, if you call never being involved with anyone in the first place, moving on, then, he was moving on.  
  
She turned her attention back to the waitress as she called her name from the kitchen and tossed her two packs of sandwiches and the young man grinned and handed her the coffee. "Thanks." She smiled and said her goodbyes before turning and as she got to the door, she glanced at the two to find a pair of blue eyes on her. She offered a weak smile and nodded her head at him, but received no real acknowledgement but his eyes returning to the woman he was with.  
  
Feeling her heart sink, she left the diner and as quickly as she could without drawing attention, she walked to her car and slipped in easily. When she had pulled onto the road, she forced herself not to look towards the diner and managed it until she drove past and her body slumped in her seat.  
  
"I'm not stupid." She told herself, reaching for the radio. "It's not like I had a chance anyway." Turning the radio slightly louder than usual to mask her erratic heart beat; she drove home without exceeding the speed limit.  
  
"He obviously likes everything I'm not." She continued to ramble to herself as she let herself into her dank apartment.  
  
Only managing to eat half of one sandwich, she washed it down with the coffee and forced herself to sleep, but didn't make it to her bed, the couch was going to do for a few hours. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
~ 6 Hours Later ~  
  
Shifting awake because of the loud knocking, she groaned sleepily and rolled off the couch to stand unsteadily. "Who is it?" She shouted groggily.  
  
"It's Grissom."  
  
Stopping short of the lock, her hand froze. "Erm." Thinking not as quickly as she hoped, she cringed. "I'm busy, I'll see you at work tonight."  
  
"You're off tonight."  
  
Pursing her lips in thought, she rubbed her eyes sleepily. "I'll see you tomorrow night, then."  
  
"Sara,"  
  
She could hear his sigh and dammed herself for the pang of regret in her heart. "What is it Grissom?"  
  
"I will not talk to a door Sara, open it now."  
  
Pulling the chain and twisting the lock, she tugged on the handle and slid the door open a few inches. "What?"  
  
He looked confused and hurt. "Can I come in?"  
  
Sighing, her shoulders slumped and her head dropped as she stepped back to let him by. After she closed the door, she turned. "Is it important, cause I need another hours sleep at least."  
  
She watched as he stared at her. She used to like it, but with the current emotional tug of war, she didn't want to be anywhere near him. With that thought, she stepped around him, giving him a wide berth to not make him uncomfortable and walked towards her kitchen.  
  
"I.I've been meaning to talk to you." He stammered, moving to stand by the entrance to the kitchen, watching her flick the coffee pot on.  
  
"There's always work. I'm there all the time. Can't miss me." She opened a cupboard by her head and pulled out a cup. Holding it up to him in silent offering, she closed the cupboard at his decline.  
  
"This isn't work related." He said softly.  
  
Sara glanced at him. "Something wrong then?"  
  
Nodding hesitantly, he looked down at his hands that were resting on the counter he was leaning on. "I thought." He cleared his throat and continued. "I guess, I thought that we were back on track after the conference."  
  
"Sure, friends." She shrugged and poured coffee to the middle of the cup.  
  
"No." He sighed. "Not friends."  
  
Sara stopped from picking up her cup.  
  
Obviously friendship was something he didn't want either. She nodded stiffly and placed her right hand on her cup handle and the left on the counter. He didn't want a relationship, which she could understand, now he didn't want a friendship?  
  
Feeling his eyes on her, she tried to hide everything she felt. "If that's what you want." She said in a voice that wasn't her own.  
  
Grissom closed his eyes briefly as the words reached his ears. She really has given up. She's not listening, not feeling. He looked at her with sudden realisation. She's pushing everything away, her friends, her feelings, her thoughts, was she trying to suppress everything?  
  
"You don't understand." He told her gently.  
  
Sara smiled sadly and shook her head. "Give me time. I will." She turned away. "You know, I'm really tired, can we talk some other time?" She asked, picking up her cup and placing it into the sink. She couldn't drink or eat at the moment.  
  
"I haven't finished." He jumped in a little more harshly than he intended.  
  
"Well, I really don't want to talk, so. I'd like it if you'd please leave."  
  
She wouldn't look at him. How could she not look at him? "Sara?"  
  
"I'm sorry Grissom. I've got lots to do and."  
  
"Stop lying to me, Sara." He demanded.  
  
Pushing a breath from her lungs, she turned to him, but kept her head down. "If I told you why I'm lying, will you leave?"  
  
"No." He snapped. "Stop this. Stop putting yourself down and look at me dammit." He moved towards her when she disobeyed him. "Please." He pleaded, about to reach out, but stopped when she shook her head and stepped back.  
  
"I'm lying so you will leave. I don't want you here. Please go Grissom."  
  
He couldn't believe what he was seeing. "What's happened Sara? Why are you suddenly shutting me out? I thought we were getting on better. Where's our level ground gone?"  
  
She pushed past him slowly as she tried to mask her tears and wipe them away stealthily. She wasn't going to cry, not over him. It wasn't right to cry over someone who doesn't want a friendship or a relationship.  
  
"Please leave."  
  
"Talk to me." He begged, walking towards her. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"  
  
"I'm not doing anything. I don't know why you're here. I don't know what you want. I don't want you here." She rattled off as she finally looked up at him with puffy eyes.  
  
His eyes softened when he saw her tears. "Why-" He stopped himself and stepped towards her instead. "Don't cry over this. What ever it is, it's not worth it." He soothed, reaching to wipe away a single tear.  
  
Sara stared into his eyes as his words struck her heart. 'What ever it is, it's not worth it.' Was it really not worth it? Of course, he had no clue, like always, what was wrong. He probably thinks a case is getting to her or she's just tired from overtime. Maybe she would feel differently about him if he told her himself it wasn't worth it and he just did. Confirmation was hard and it hurt like a knife to the chest.  
  
He dropped his hand and watched her eyes staring back at him. What was she thinking? It can't be that good if she's looking like she just found the final puzzle piece and it didn't make the nice colourful picture, but the dark and ugly one.  
  
Friends? Not any more. He's just her boss. Nothing more. Does she love him? It was never returned. Would she wait forever? More, if he'd ever see it, but she knew he wouldn't. He maybe the best forensic scientist in Las Vegas, but he couldn't read her, not like a suspect. She was a mystery to him and she didn't blame him.  
  
It was nothing anymore. She was nothing more than a co-worker. Everything was how it should be. She had successfully beaten her fears. No more people to care for. No more disappointments. No more personal emotional blackmail, she was alone, just how she had once dreamed.  
  
Grissom's eyes grew wide when he saw hers drop from his and she stepped away from his hand that was about to touch her hand. "Hey, you ok?"  
  
She nodded mutely and kept her eyes on the floor. A message must have been sent to the gods, for her house phone started ringing, breaking the emotional connection she had with the man who stood before her. She had everything she had feared and it seemed too painful to even feel, but she grabbed her phone with numb hands as she opened the front door.  
  
"I'll be in tomorrow Grissom." She informed him as she answered the phone. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
~ Three Days Later ~  
  
Catherine stared at her through the window. She hadn't moved from the A/V lab for over four hours and didn't have more than one cup of coffee beside her. It was strange enough to see her sitting alone for so long, let alone a single cup of coffee that seemed bare touched and cold.  
  
Walking up behind the blonde, Nick and Warrick looked on from behind. They had noticed the change too. She rarely spoke except concerning a case. She didn't go to breakfast with them any more. The last time they can think about seeing her outside the lab was serving a warrant and off duty, she never left her apartment. A few times one or the other had dropped by but she didn't entertain for long.  
  
"She hasn't moved." Nick whispered to Warrick.  
  
Catherine sighed and dropped her eyes to the linoleum. "She won't talk."  
  
Warrick turned and walked away. It was upsetting them and too many people had noticed this change. It was like something died inside her and she was more than willing to let it drown.  
  
No tech would approach her, fearful she'd erupt and bite their heads off, but she was polite the whole time. It was scary.  
  
Doing nothing for too long was getting to them and both turned and followed Warrick's flight path as they went to the supervisor.  
  
Grissom was holding his pen, but hadn't signed a single form in hours. He couldn't concentrate. Sara was taking over too much of his thought processes. Every time he tried to talk, he'd be interrupted and when he went to her apartment the day after his first time, he was left outside with no signs of her being home.  
  
The large shadows over his desk made him look up and take in the sad faces of his friends and colleagues. "What's she doing?" He asked, knowing exactly what their visit was about.  
  
Catherine turned to the others and tried to get them to leave, but they refused.  
  
"We are not going Catherine." Nick stubbornly brushed her off and stood firm. "We know what's wrong and we can't let it go on."  
  
Warrick nodded his agreement and sat down in a chair. "We don't place blame Griss, but you have got to know what's going on with her."  
  
Grissom stared at them dumbstruck. "I.Wha." He shook his head and dropped his pen to the desk. "If you are suggesting I talk to her, I did."  
  
"What did you say?" Catherine asked, concerned he had said something to cause Sara to retreat so far and so fast.  
  
Shrugging innocently, he shook his head. "I honestly didn't say much. She kept telling me to leave, that she didn't want to see me. I tried to explain, but she wouldn't listen."  
  
She could see he was not telling them something or not realising he wasn't telling them. "Tell us, word for word."  
  
Grissom stared at her for a moment before turned his head and focusing on his tarantula as he thought back.  
  
"I pleaded. for her to listen. She wouldn't listen. . I asked her what had happened. We were getting on so well in Colorado, like old times." He paused as he tried to think harder. "I tried to tell her that we were more than friends, but I don't think she understood, she said to give her time, then she tried again to get me to leave." He sighed and looked at the others.  
  
"Anything else?" Warrick pressed.  
  
"She was lying to get me to leave, but I didn't. I didn't want to go until we talked things out. I really wanted to sort things, fix it. I really did." He stressed to the others.  
  
"It's ok Gil. It sounds like you resisted a lot longer than anyone else would have." Catherine offered gently, knowing he must have let his heart pave his way that day.  
  
Looking down at his hand, he squinted in thought. "She sounded like she was degrading herself."  
  
"What do you mean?" Warrick asked, sitting forward.  
  
"She said she'd didn't know what I wanted, that she didn't know why I wanted to talk to her. It was like she was trying to block me out somehow. I tried Cath, I really did. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore." He added sadly, turning his chair, putting his back to everyone.  
  
"I asked her to talk to me. I asked why she was doing this to herself, then I saw her eyes, she finally looked at me and. . .Don't cry over this. What ever it is, it's not worth it." His head snapped up. "I told her is wasn't worth it." He said to himself.  
  
Everyone looked at each other before settling back on Grissom.  
  
"What wasn't?" Nick asked.  
  
Grissom turned and looked horrified. "What ever she was thinking, I told her it wasn't worth it, wasn't worth tears." He dropped his head into his hand. "Ohdeargod!" He groaned.  
  
Catherine seemed to understand his distress and moved around his desk to kneel down beside him. "Go talk to her."  
  
"She won't listen. She's forgotten me." He said sadly, almost tearfully.  
  
Looking up at the boys, she smiled at them and silently asked them to leave for a few minutes. After the boys had left, she turned to Grissom and squeezed his arm. "Have you told her about Jessie?"  
  
He shook his head. "Why?"  
  
"That's when this started. She's lost. She shut down because she's lost faith. She can't have someone because she thinks someone else has them." Catherine shook her head at his attempt to speak. "She won't fight, she won't get jealous, she won't get angry, only with herself. She thinks those who try are more than she is. She tried once, but failed and it was enough to push her away."  
  
Listening once again as Catherine explained the situation, he couldn't help the guilt ripping him apart. "I don't want to lose her Cath. She's all I've got left." He whispered brokenly.  
  
"Then she needs to know that."  
  
"Has she talked to you some more?" He asked, enlightened she knew more than the last they discussed this.  
  
She nodded and looked away briefly. "It's not for me to say, but you will find out if you figure this out. She's hurt, lost and feeling very rejected. If you want this as bad as you say, you need to find some way to bring her round, but build that bridge slowly Gil, she's not going to come back easily." Catherine advised and watched his eyes close and his face contort into a grimace of realisation of what has happened.  
  
~ 2 Hours Later ~  
  
Sara finally found what she was looking for and reached for her coffee cup. Taking a long swig, she cringed as the cold liquid filled her stomach. She stared at the cup and shook her head. Checking the time, she realised she'd been sitting in the A/V lab for almost 6 hours straight. No wonder her eyes were computer strained and her coffee was ice cold.  
  
Collecting up her printouts and case file, she turned the computer off and ditched her cold coffee in the nearest bin. It was time to clock out and she needed to get home.  
  
As she pulled open her locker, she looked down at the case file and print outs on the bench. She needed to give them to her boss before leaving. She buried the feelings and slipped on her coat. It was like any other day and she only had to put it on his desk. Shift ended thirty minutes ago and everyone should have left by now, including the supervisor.  
  
Making her way down the corridor, she knocked and entered Grissom's office. Trying to keep her face calm at seeing him pulling his jacket on, she approached his desk as she explained what she had found. After finishing and getting a 'I'll sign it' she turned and left.  
  
On her way through the front doors of the crime lab building, she felt she was being followed. Sighing at who she knew it to be, she continued to her car and ignored the person calling her name. She was off the clock and didn't have to listen to anyone.  
  
"Please stop." The voice begged as they got closer.  
  
Trying her best to push the presence away, she unlocked her door and was about to climb in when her door was pulled out of her grasp.  
  
"Will you please listen to me, Sara? I just want to talk."  
  
She turned and looked at him. "Ok, Grissom." She said calmly. "Talk, but be quick."  
  
He nodded. "I'm sorry. I should have told you a long time ago. I'm not seeing Jessie. No matter what you think, it's not true. We're just friends." He watched her face and was worried when she didn't even react.  
  
"Fine, is that all?" Just friends? It was all that registered as it bounced from one side of her brain to the other. Well, she thought sadly, at least he found a new friend to play with.  
  
"Can we go someplace? Talk, have breakfast with me, maybe?"  
  
Why was he asking her? It wasn't what he wanted, she knew that. He had seen her all night at work and only talked work with her, now he want's to talk, about what?  
  
"Talk? About work?" She asked with confusion. Why can't he wait until tonight?  
  
He shook his head. "No, not about work. About you and me. We need to talk things through."  
  
Sara looked down with a sigh. "I don't want t-"  
  
"I know." He interrupted. "You don't want to talk to me. Can I talk to you instead?" He pleaded.  
  
Watching him closely, she couldn't see why he would want to talk to her. She was confused again. What was he trying to do, rub her stupidity in her face and laugh? She wasn't going to let that happen. She already felt bad about spending three years of her life pinning after him. Didn't he know what he meant to her? Meant! He doesn't mean anything anymore. He's her boss, nothing else.  
  
"You know, I'd love to, but I need to go home." She turned away and climbed into her car.  
  
When she reached for her door, she noticed him still holding it. "I'll come with you." He said quickly and walked around to the passenger side to climb in.  
  
Sara sat in her seat and stared at him as he buckled up. Now what? He wanted to confuse her in her own home and make her feel even guiltier? She felt guilty enough without having him gloat over how an idiot she had been to wait so long for him. 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
~ Sara's Apartment ~  
  
He must have something pressing to tell her, but what?  
  
"Are you sure this isn't about work?" She asked.  
  
He nodded and made his way over to the couch. When he noticed she wasn't going to sit, but rather stand by the door, he sighed and spat it out. "I'm your friend Sara. I like you and I want to talk to you about moving us forward."  
  
Sara's expression didn't change for a minute after he spoke. Her lips twitched and her eyes furrowed into a frown.  
  
"Is that so hard to believe?" He asked.  
  
She looked down at her hands that were fiddling with her door keys. Well, that was more than gloating, that was more like a torturer's red-hot poker stick in the heart. Funny, at least he found it amusing to play on her emotions.  
  
No, no emotions, don't feel them anymore. She didn't feel anything anymore. No more longing, no more pain, no more love.no, this was a sick game and she didn't like it.  
  
Maybe if she played along, he'd get to the highly amusing brush off and leave. She couldn't do that, it hurt. She can't play along, not anymore, not with him, never with him.  
  
Without realising it, a tear escaped. She suddenly didn't feel too good.  
  
~ A Split Second ~  
  
He watched in slow motion as she collapsed. His fear kicked up so fast; it almost made him sick to the stomach. He rushed to her and tried to wake her, but it didn't work.  
  
~ Late Afternoon ~  
  
Grissom perched on the edge of her bed and gently damped her forehead with a cool rag. His other hand brushed her hair back to touch her cheek as she began to wake.  
  
"Hey." He whispered.  
  
She slowly opened her eyes to see him hovering high above her with a smile. She closed them again and turned her head away.  
  
"Sara?" He asked quietly.  
  
"What happened?" She interrupted.  
  
He rinsed out the rag and placed it beside the bowl. "You collapsed. The EMT said your blood pressure hit the roof and everything shut down." He smiled softly and pulled the blanket up to her chin. "I know how much you hate hospitals, so I convinced them to check you out and let you stay here, as long as someone's with you."  
  
After explaining, he watched her briefly.  
  
"Thanks." She said on the verge of sleep.  
  
"Rest, I'll be here when you wake up." He promised.  
  
~ Near 5 Hours Later ~  
  
When Sara woke in the afternoon, she was alone in her room. Although it brought some relief, it soon turned into an emotional tug at her heart as she selfishly thought he'd be there with her. No matter what she did, she couldn't stop the dreams of him being with her, wanting to be with her.  
  
She wasn't going to push anymore, she wasn't going to run after him professionally or personally, she just wanted the pain to go away so she could get on with her solitude lifestyle. It's all she had to look forward to now.  
  
It's said that when you are a little girl, that you dream of a perfect white wedding and a handsome man, but she knew she didn't think that when she was little, it was numbers, time, relativity and anything more she could absorb. The white wedding, picket fence and a family were never really something she thought about. She knew she chose her studies over parties and boys, but it didn't stop her falling in love with an extraordinary man that had everything she wanted, locked up in his brain, amongst other things.  
  
The years she knew Professor Gil Grissom was a time where she could pick his brain on absolutely anything and enjoy his company and wit at the same time. As the years progressed, she knew Dr Grissom and how dedicated he was to his lab and his work. His experiments were always old style, but they got the answers and same results a computer would have spat out, but his way was more accurate and he liked that.  
  
When she became closer and got to know Grissom and his little quirks, she knew something was different and thought he had sensed it too, but after a while, she knew he didn't. It was never Gil, it never was and now it never would be. It was his name for someone who knew him a lot longer and knew him more personally; she didn't know that Grissom and never would.  
  
The love she felt for him over the years never faded, but her patience and time with him was slowly dissipating. She didn't work with him anymore. Something happened and she could only think that it was her fault. She must have done something to push him so far away.  
  
It felt he was the one pushing, but as she stopped and thought about it, it was her. She had pushed him too far and she'd pushed him away so he was now running.  
  
Maybe she wasn't right for him anyway. It could be the other way round, but she would have seen it for sure. He needed someone who would like his work, his habits, his lifestyle, and his attitude towards his work, his dedication and his rugged handsome features.  
  
Thinking she knew someone who would fit perfectly, she knew she couldn't fill the void she just described. Another could, not her.  
  
Turning away from the door and the rest of the world, she buried her face into her pillow and slowly cried herself back to sleep. It was too painful and wished someone would take it away. She didn't want to love anymore. She couldn't afford the heartache. Her heart couldn't take much more rejection.  
  
~ ½ Hour Later ~  
  
He was sat on her bed, watching over her as she shifted in her sleep and murmured unspeakable words. Her whimpers had brought him to her, but the sight before him had crushed his heart. His fingers had gently wiped the tears from her face that had lingered during sleep.  
  
"What would make you cry?" He whispered to her sleeping form.  
  
Drawing in a deep breath, she whimpered again and turned away from him. She whispered his name with such sadness and quietness, he felt his own tears building.  
  
"What have I done to you?" He sighed softly as his hand brushed her hair back.  
  
~ Evening, Around 10pm ~  
  
"It's time you left anyway." Sara announced as she entered her living room to find him eyeing his watch.  
  
Grissom's head snapped up at the sound of her voice. "You should be resting."  
  
Ignoring him, she went to get a glass of juice. "You've got an hour before shift starts."  
  
"I'll call in-"  
  
"-You need to go home before work." She finished her sentence over his as she walked back to her room.  
  
Grissom closed his eyes and sighed. Rubbing his eyes, he pushed himself up from her couch and decided to hash this out before anything happened to break the already fragile relationship they had.  
  
"We still need to talk, Sara." He reminded her.  
  
She looked up briefly to see him standing in her doorway. She had tucked herself back into bed and pulled a forensic journal to her lap. They didn't have anything to talk about. She had thought about this too long now and he had truly left everything too late. She didn't know what to do with the love she felt, she only knew that he would never return it let alone acknowledge it.  
  
"We don't need to talk. We just need to leave each other alone and get back to the way things were."  
  
"I'm trying." He sighed.  
  
"Then leave." She stressed, closing her book and absently running her hands over the cover.  
  
He dropped his head and leaned against the doorframe. "Damnit Sara, what's happened to us?"  
  
It wasn't difficult, she found herself thinking. She could avoid him, hide her feelings. It would be kind of easy. She had succeeded so far.  
  
"There is no us." Rubbing her eyes, she slid down to lay on her back. "Can you go now?"  
  
Grissom nodded and turned away. Maybe later, he'll talk to her, he'll make her understand. "You will have to talk to me sooner or later Sara."  
  
"I did try." She whispered to herself. It used to be her trying to get him to talk, but she knew it wouldn't help or change matters. 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
  
~ End of Shift ~  
  
Sara stood by her car as she looked at her cell phone. She had received a message from Nick to meet her at the Baseball Park for a chat, but she didn't feel like going. She did text him back, be he never returned a message. Feeling like she had to go and make sure he was alright, she had talked herself into meeting him and then leaving.  
  
As she walked past two groups of children with baseball bats and gloves, she could clearly see that they had just finished practise. The morning sun was still low and the time was nearing 11 o'clock. She hadn't had much sleep after she told Grissom to leave and wasn't sure about going to see Nick. Why would he want to talk to her?  
  
Walking through the gate, she looked around and saw a figure at the far end of the bleachers. They were sat on the first seats with their head in their hands. Obviously tired from a long night.  
  
"Nick!" She called as she got closer, but the image suddenly changed as the figure uncurled itself and stood. What the hell is he doing here? "Grissom?"  
  
He nodded and walked towards her as she stopped in her tracks. "Sara."  
  
"What are you doing here? Where's Nick?" She was confused and felt strangely set up.  
  
"It was the only way."  
  
"Huh?" She stared at him, her anger building.  
  
Turning to look around them, he held out his arms briefly. "You talk to me, here, now without any phones, people, work, nothing, no interruptions. I want to know what's going on."  
  
Sara closed her eyes and brought her hand up to cover her eyes.  
  
"What's wrong? How you feeling?" He asked with concern as he approached her and pulled her hand away. "Please, talk to me." He whispered, seeing her eyes snapped open at the contact.  
  
"I don't want to hear anything you say." She tried to pull her hand from his grasp, but it only tightened, but not painfully. "Grissom-"  
  
He shook his head sternly. "No, listen to me Sara. I don't care that you don't want to see me, speak to me or listen, but let me speak without you passing out on me, ok?" He stressed out of breath.  
  
She nodded and finally pulled her hand away. "What is it you want to talk about?" Great! She's actually going to listen to him, what happened to her iron will and wall she had built to forget him?  
  
Grissom stepped away and walked around a little as he spoke, it was obviously a nervous habit as he pushed his hands into his pockets to complete the picture. "You have to believe me Sara, at first, yes, Jess and I were dating, but not any more. It wasn't anything serious."  
  
"For you maybe, but she fell hard for you. You should have been there the times she talked my ear off about the things you both did. I wanted to stuff cotton wool in my ears to stop her." She admitted and instantly cringed and turned away when he looked surprised. "I know you have no idea about most the things that happen around you, but you should have seen that she liked you."  
  
"Yes." He interrupted as he took a step towards her. "But it's over now. It has been since before Colorado-"  
  
Sara turned to him abruptly with a glare that could have sent him up in flames. "Liar." Grissom's mouth opened as he heard her words, but she continued before he could speak. "You said that you liked her. She said she liked you. She told me it was received. She- told me-" Her voice cracked as she tried to push the words out. "She said she was in love with you. How can someone compete against that?"  
  
Grissom inhaled deeply and shook his head. "There was nothing to compete with Sara. I didn't love her, I don't. She doesn't love me. I know, she told me so herself." Sara stared at him as she tried to absorb what she was hearing. "She knows Sara. She said you talked to her and that you let something slip, but she didn't tell me what. She said I had to ask you. What did you say that made her step back?"  
  
"Nothing." She muttered, turning to walk towards the bleachers.  
  
He watched her sit down and slump forward. "Sara, I know I've been an idiot and I've come off as cold towards you for a long time, but it wasn't intentional, believe me."  
  
"Doesn't matter what I believe or think Grissom. It never matters." She said sadly.  
  
"What!? Who told you that?" He growled, moving to kneel in front of her. "Did someone tell you that?" She shook her head and lowered it further. Grissom reached out to take her hands, but she pulled them closer to her body. "What's wrong? Is it me?"  
  
He wouldn't understand. He'd only laugh. She could see that he didn't know what he was doing. She could tell he didn't want to talk to her. He obviously had places to be and people to see. She couldn't just come out and say this was all her fault and that she dug her own hole. She couldn't trust him to understand that she was the one that couldn't get over being in love with him. It wasn't his fault, it was her own. She had to deal and find a way to get rid of that love.  
  
Him? Everything, her whole life was him and he didn't know it. She had to tell him everything, but not this time. Maybe she picked the wrong time to forget and take a vow of silence, but she knew she'd never feel the same for another and she knew that her heart would be forever broken.  
  
He could see her eyes filling with tears and his chest squeezed the air from his lungs as his own emotions wrecked havoc. "Please Sara, tell me, I'm begging you. Tell me what I did wrong to hurt you so much."  
  
She knew she was crying and as tear after tear fell, she looked down at him with sad eyes and a small shake of the head. "It's not you." She sighed. "It's always been me." She breathed.  
  
Feeling ten times worse and Catherine's words hitting him square in the head about taking things slow; he shook them away and leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead. "You're perfect, there's nothing wrong with you." He whispered, moved to kiss her check. "Tell me what I did."  
  
Trying so hard to hide the warm she was feeling from his closeness and his lips, she felt herself crying harder as she opened her mouth to let the words finally be heard. "You don't love me." She hiccuped and pulled away quickly as he stopped his assault and sat back. She got up and ran away from him.  
  
"No! Sara! Wait!" He shouted and ran after her. They were halfway across the field when he grabbed her arm and put himself in her way to block her escape. "Don't." He pleaded.  
  
"Let me go Grissom. I've said so much I shouldn't. I've made such a fool of myself, I'm sorry." She broke down.  
  
Grissom pulled her to him and held her tightly. "You spoke with your heart, Sara. I should have done that a long time ago." He confessed. "I shouldn't have hurt you the way I did and I am so terribly sorry."  
  
"Please forget it. I didn't say anything-"  
  
"You did." He stressed, tightening his hold. "Don't take it back, please don't take it back."  
  
"I have to." She whispered.  
  
Sliding his hand up her back to her hair, he pressed his cheek to hers. "I'm sorry I didn't love you the way I should have. I'm sorry I've avoided you and I'm sorry I never told you sooner." He pulled back to see her eyes as he continued. "I love you, Sara. I should have told you that."  
  
Dropping her eyes from his, she sighed. "You don't have to say that. I understand. I really do. You don't even want to be my friend Grissom. I know that. I shouldn't have come here. I should have left long ago-"  
  
"I wouldn't-I won't let you." He said thickly.  
  
"I can't do this anymore." She closed her eyes when he touched her hair and gently kissed her cheek. "I have to leave."  
  
Grissom moaned against her skin. "No."  
  
"Yes. I have to leave Vegas. It's the only way to get past this."  
  
"No." He repeated as his other hand scrunched up her jacket to hold her to him, preventing her from leaving him.  
  
Sara couldn't stop him, he held her too tightly. She wanted to hide, run from what was happening. What was happening? Surely he was just confused and didn't know what he was doing. He couldn't want to do this. He never did before.  
  
"I love you so much." He whispered into her ear. "I will gain your trust Sara. I will, I swear on it, if it's that last thing I do. I don't care anymore about what people think. You're the only one left in my life and I'll fight you all the way if you try to leave."  
  
"Don't do this Grissom. Please forget this. You don't know what you're saying." She pleaded, trying to ignore his hot breath on her ear as he breathed.  
  
Running his hand back down her back to meet his other, he pulled away to look into her teary eyes. "I'm not listen." He told her. "I am not taking no for anything, anymore." Scanning her face, he released her slightly to run his fingers down her cheek. "I will make it up to you, I promise and this is the honest to god truth. I don't care if you don't think I mean it, I do and I'll make you see it."  
  
~ 6pm in the Evening ~  
  
Sara stared at her phone as it rang.  
  
He's doing this to prove he loves her. How could he love her? She didn't think that far ahead. She didn't think he'd spill everything she had only dreamed. What had she done to suddenly get his attention?  
  
He was so sincere and honest, yet she still felt afraid. She didn't know what to do. After the confession of all confessions this morning, he had driven her home and left her at her front door with a promise that he'd ring and also arrange that Nick pick her car up.  
  
She didn't know what he was going to do, but the phone still kept ringing and she knew it was him by his name blinking at her from the caller ID.  
  
"Hey." He said softly when she didn't say anything. "Told you I'd ring."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He could hear something in her voice and sighed. "You're still doubting my intentions, aren't you?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Ok. You can say no, but I'd like to take you out tonight."  
  
She could hear hesitation, but it was surely to be nervousness. "We have work tonight." She reminded him.  
  
"I know, wear work stuff and I'll pick you up in an hour."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Bye." He said quietly.  
  
"Bye." She whispered. 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
  
~ Desert ~  
  
"It's nothing overly romantic, but I guessed a restaurant would just be too uncomfortable right now." Grissom smiled and looked at her as she walked a few feet in front of them.  
  
They were parked far enough from the Vegas lights to see the stars and feel the desert breeze blow through them. It was a wonderful sight and the warmth was still lingering, but she shivered either way.  
  
Grissom walked towards her and slowly reached out to touch her arm. "Sara."  
  
"Hmm?" She turned her head towards him.  
  
"I know the last few months have been horrible, but I truly didn't know what to do. I was scared."  
  
She nodded and turned back to looking up at the sky. "Will that ever change?" She asked.  
  
Grissom sighed and gently ran his hands up and down her arms as he stepped closer to her back while looking up at the stars with her. "I hope it will, with your help, Sara. You bring out so much in me, but I try to hide it."  
  
"You did good." She praised him as she silently revelled in his warm hands rubbing her arms.  
  
"Did?"  
  
She nodded and watched a plane fly overhead. "At times I thought I saw something, heard something, but each time I tried to find out for sure, you hid from me. After a while, I chalked it up to being my imagination."  
  
"No." He said softly. "It was there, I just didn't know if you felt the same." His hands tightened on her arms as she tried to turn. "It's one thing to know you feel the same and another to not be sure. You should understand that."  
  
Thinking about it for a few minutes, she nodded. "I guess."  
  
"Does your imagination chalk up much?" He asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.  
  
Sara heard the tone he used and couldn't stop the smile, something she hadn't done genuinely in a long time. "Maybe."  
  
"Was there really chalk on my face?" He asked close to her ear, his hands running down her arms to rest on her hands in her pockets.  
  
"Maybe." She huffed on a short laugh.  
  
Grissom leaned in closer and let his hands gently mingle with hers in the confines of her pockets as his mouth lightly kissed her ear.  
  
"Will you ever forgive me?" He whispered seriously.  
  
Sara sighed and the smile faded. She didn't know if she could answer that question without asking a few of her own. "I don't know." She answered with the only honest answer she could find.  
  
He understood. He knew he had so much to make up for and so much to think about. It was still early days and he would have to be careful with his actions and words. He wasn't going to risk losing her for good; he'd almost done that and hadn't fully realised it.  
  
~ Seven Weeks Later ~  
  
Sara walked from Trace to DNA with her evidence. She hadn't gotten a hit from her fingerprints and no DNA matches had been found. She needed to have Greg do a once over of her new evidence, but wasn't sure it would lead anywhere. Her 'B and E' had turned out to be a murder, but with no witnesses and no names, she was at a loss as to where everything was going. It was leading no where and fast.  
  
Looking up as she left DNA, she saw Nick and Catherine walk into the break room with grins and laughter. She smiled and decided to take a break. It was almost end of shift either way.  
  
"Hey Sar." Nick chuckled as Catherine rolled her eyes.  
  
"Hey Nicky, what's gotten into you two?" She asked as she walked to the coffee pot and poured herself some of the ill looking black stuff.  
  
Catherine shook her head and sighed. "Oh, nothing really." She looked at Nick and grinned. "Just Warrick and Grissom."  
  
Sara turned to look at them with confusion. "What about them?"  
  
"Grissom's buying breakfast." Nick smiled and turned away to open a newspaper.  
  
Looking at them with a furrowed brow. The confusion was small compared to what she was feeling right now. Completely obviously would be about right.  
  
~ At the Diner ~  
  
Warrick held the diner door open for everyone with a smile. "After you all." Nick and Catherine shared glistening amused eyes and smiles as they paved a way to a table.  
  
"What can I get you guys?" The waitress asked.  
  
Each CSI ordered breakfast and talked for a while. Warrick kept looking over at Grissom who sat next to Sara. Catherine sat beside him and Nick was on a seat in the aisle. It's nice to see everyone having breakfast together.  
  
"So." Warrick began, receiving a glare from Grissom. "Who's going to the Sheriff's party this weekend?"  
  
Nick nodded and Catherine smiled. "I'm going with Warrick and Nick's going with Jacqui." Warrick, Catherine and Nick all pinned Grissom and Sara with intense stares.  
  
Grissom seemed to shrink under their eyes. Sara glared at them and tossed her straw from her drink at Nick. "Stop bullying him."  
  
"Hey!" Nick swatted at the straw that flew at him.  
  
Their breakfast order was called and all but Grissom and Sara got up. Grissom leaned in close to Sara and smiled against her shoulder as his arm, which was secretly wrapped around her waist, tightened. "You protecting me from the bullies, very brave. My knight in shining armour." He teased.  
  
"Shut up." She laughed and leaned against him.  
  
He pressed a kiss to her shoulder and chuckled. "So," He sighed. "Wanna go to the prom with me?"  
  
"You are really weird, you know that?"  
  
"Mhm. I know, you still love me though, right?"  
  
Sara turned her head to him and looked into his eyes with a challenge. "I'm not sure, what do I get in return?" Grissom closed his eyes and shied away into her shoulder, making her giggle.  
  
"Aw, he's gone all shy on us guys." Catherine cooed as she placed Grissom's plate in front of him.  
  
Warrick placed Sara's down and smiled. "So, you going to the party?"  
  
Sara nodded and turned to see Grissom looking at her. As the others started tucking into their meals, she kissed him gently on the lips and smiled. He returned it and looked over at the other's, who just happened to be watching them. "Eat your breakfast children." He said sweetly, receiving snorts and laughs in response.  
  
~ Sheriff's Ball ~  
  
Nick and Jacqui were dancing and laughing, Catherine and Warrick were sat at the bar drinking and chatting. Doc Robbins was with his wife and talking to several politicians, looking every bit bored as his wife. Greg, Archie and Bobby were sitting at a table, deep in conversation with the table of three girls beside them.  
  
Grissom was talking to the Sheriff and the Director with no enthusiasm. Sara was stood with Brass and both were teasing each other about the odd couples they were spotting on the dance floor.  
  
"Ok," Brass chuckled. "Let's even it up a bit, shall we?" He offered her his arm and escorted her to the dance floor.  
  
"I didn't know you could dance." Sara said in amazement as they started dancing.  
  
"Me neither." Sara laughed at his admission and both started talking again, oblivious to the onlookers.  
  
The Sheriff and the Director shared a look of disapproval. "She's half his age." The Sheriff uttered.  
  
Grissom turned to see whom they were referring to. "They are also friends." The two turned to the entomologist. "And if you'll excuse me, my date has been patient enough this evening." He left at their nods and walked towards the dance floor.  
  
"Uh oh." Brass chuckled. "I'm being replaced."  
  
Sara turned her head and smiled as she found the source of his remark. "Oh, him, he's nothing to worry about. Pussy cat at heart." She whispered, as Grissom grew closer.  
  
"Either way, I don't wanna find out." Brass stepped back and nodded with a grin as he left them alone.  
  
"So." Grissom smiled and stepped in to hold her and lead the way around the dance floor. "What have you two been talking about?"  
  
"Nothing really." She returned his smile and stepped closer to lean her head on his shoulder. "Have fun with the boss people?"  
  
Chuckling into her ear, he looked over at the two in question. "Hardly. It seems that you are half Brass's age."  
  
Sara raised her head and grinned. "Excuse me, what's that suppose to mean?"  
  
"They were commenting about your age and his."  
  
"Oh, ok, so, what are they doing now?" She asked, not daring to look for herself.  
  
Grissom leaned in and kissed her slowly. They were still dancing, but not very much. As Sara pulled slightly from the kiss, she smiled, waiting. He shrugged and continued to dance at the normal pace. "They're avoiding looking at us."  
  
"Good." Sara laughed and waved across at Nick and Jacqui. "You think we can get out of here?"  
  
"You ok?" He asked, concerned that she wasn't feeling well.  
  
Shaking her head, she smiled and found his hand as they broke apart. "I will be, but I thought we could get out of here before the crowd gathers at the door."  
  
Seeing her looking at him curiously, he nodded and shrugged. "Where do you want to go?"  
  
"Your place?" She asked as they left the large ballroom.  
  
Grissom followed her towards the elevators. "You sure, we don't have to"  
  
Sara pulled him into the elevator and nodded. "I'm sure. I want to spend the next few hours left of the night with you, if it's ok with you?" She asked, seeing worry in his eyes.  
  
Stepping closer to her, he kissed her gently. "I'm ok if you're ok." He whispered.  
  
"I'm ok." She smiled.  
  
"Good, cause I don't want to push you into anything you don't want to do. This isn't all I want. It's you I want. I love you and that won't change."  
  
She leaned against him some more and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I love you too."  
  
It was still scary to let her emotions take control, but she was learning to follow her heart again. Even though they had taken things slowly, she didn't regret her change of heart and admission that she 'was' someone that deserved happiness.  
  
Jessie was fine with it, surprisingly, she had gotten back together with the cop she met in a bar and was trying to make it work out. She and Grissom talked and she was now back to talking with Sara with no regret towards her. It had all been swept under the rug and they were all moving on with their own new lives.  
  
For once she had allowed her own life be the spotlight and had found that love again. And like a dream, someone not looking for love, but love finding them, had found them.  
  
THE END  
  
R&R please, what did you think? Too much, not too much, just right, be honest, but be nice. 


End file.
